This week in counseling I had to remind a few clients that the past is not much good for anything except to forgive, forget or maybe learn from. Careless communicators will often be accusatory and defensive when they bring up their spouse’s past. Bringing up someone’s past is a way to punish someone. This is hardly something the fosters safe and calm communication.
Couples with poor communication skills often use the past as a weapon. It is highly effective when it comes to shutting down a conversation, or making someone angry, or worse, making him or her feel guilty. Using the past to weaponize your conversations is a surefire conversation killer.
When trying to foster good communication with your spouse, be intentional to not bring up the past unless it is for good. For example, I really loved it when you would… Leave the past where it lies, and your relationship will be the better for it.